United Feminists of America

According to a Washington Post article published in today's edition, feminists long ago formed a union and created a "Code of Conduct for Honorable Feminists." Well, that's not exactly what the article said, but it may as well have.

Surely your average successful lawyer has faced this dilemma: give up a career or take care of the family. But not the Chief Woman Lawyer of America -- she shouldn't quit to take care of her family, should she? What kind of message does that send? "I was on a radio show and someone called in to say, 'Would we ever see a man retire to take care of his spouse?'" says Suzanna Sherry, a law professor at Vanderbilt University who has written about O'Connor. "This is why she's never been considered a feminist's feminist. A feminist would say: 'Well, why would she do that?'"

Rule of the Code #1: Care about no one. Feminists (even 75 year old ones) are not allowed to leave their jobs to take care of any family member. Thou shalt maintain your professional standing until you die.

Corollary to Rule of the Code #1: Men never care about other people, so why should we? Men would never retire from their jobs to take care of an ailing family member. Remember that.

Her public persona in Washington was maternal, nurturing, genteel, soft. She let her granddaughter write a book about her featuring a picture on the cover of the two of them holding a teddy bear. On her clerks' door she left a Xerox of her hand with a note that read "For a pat on the back, lean here."

Rule of the Code #2: Hate stuffed animals.

Corollary to Rule of the Code #2: Be hard; do not support anyone else.

Now, I am certainly not the softest gal on the block, but I would like to think I could keep my feminist union card if ever I chose to leave a job to take care of a lover in ill health. I also would like to maintain that card in the highly unlikely event that I had a grandchild and decided to pose with it and a teddy bear. Insinuating that O'Connor would never be embraced by feminists because of loving her husband or grandchildren is ridiculous.

Not all feminists are harsh, single-minded, and selfish. Sticking with one's job is also not harsh, single-minded, and selfish. Not all men are harsh, single-minded, and selfish. Articles written from such a perspective (even if in the Style section) perpetuate unhelpful stereotypes.

And if you believe that all feminists think alike and would define feminism in the same way, I invite you to my office some time. It's a supremely blissful environment with absolutely no conflict ever.