There seems to be a never-ending stream of star athletes or wannabe star athletes who feel it is their post-athletic career duty to squawk on national television as a commentator. In most cases, this sense of duty is a selfish desire to stay involved in the game and impart their vast wisdom to the viewing public. Also in most cases, fulfilling this duty is a mistake that causes many TV spectators either to become intimate with the mute button, or to stick a fork in their eyes. The following hacks are the folks who most inspire me to search for a cure for the Carrillo-McCarver Syndrome.
1. Mary Carillo - This woman may be a big proponent of women in sports, but her voice is grating, her analysis is obvious, and she's so obnoxious that I've had to learn to enjoy tennis without being able to hear the ball being thwacked. I'll only listen to a match that Carillo is anouncing if John McEnroe's sarcastic and thoughtful banter is around to counteract her.
2. Tim McCarver - Clearly a talented baseball player in his day, but he needs his mouth to be stapled shut while the camera is rolling. Who awarded this man 3 Emmy Awards for "Best Sportscaster/Analyst"? His mom?
3. Bill Walton - I'll put Bill on the list in honor of the conversation that inspired this post in the first place. Honestly, it's the man's toothy smile that drives me batty more than anything else.
4. John Madden & Pat Summerall - Since they're a team and all, they get ranked as a team. They deserved each other. But, I'm glad to hear Summerall's found Christ. The "Lost Christ" flyers posted in my neighborhood were getting annoying.
There are certainly more horrifyingly bad sports commentators, but I'm going to go watch the Red Sox beat the Yankees.
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5 comments:
I found Jesus... he was behind the sofa the whole time.
17-1? 17-1?? How the hell did that happen? We need Hugger Mugger to drop some knowledge on this shit.
I am hard pressed to think of 5 good sports commentators. I haven't watched sports consistently enough in the last few years to know anyone's names anymore. I was a big fan of John Davidson, being a former Ranger's goalie and all. Hockey. Remember that? yeah, me neither.
I miss y'all 5334'ers.
I love it! I'm so happy to hear that someone else is annoyed by John Madden, yikes he drives me nuts. Whenever Thanksgiving rolls around, the guy talks more about his turkey sporting 7 legs than the game. In some respects this makes him easier to stomach. Stick to food, Johnny, and oh yeah, your multi-million dollar video game franchise =P.
Now i'm just going to float this name out there and see what people have to say: Dennis Miller....
That is all.
I never heard Dennis Miller on MNF, but I imagine it was fucking ridiculous. Sarah, I'm totally with you on this list. A few I like:
Walt "Clyde" Fraiser: I know some people hate his catch phrases, but I say bah! to them. "Omnipotent on defense"?!? That's what I'm talkin' about.
Marv Albert: Say what you will about dude's freakiness or whathaveyou, but he knows his hoops.
Michael Kay: When he did Yankees radio games, he would describe in detail both teams uniforms before the game started. Uni Watch, stand up!
Em -- That Jesus: he's such a trickster. What an imp.
Ez -- 17-1 was AWESOME!! I think it's safe to say the 5334'ers miss you too.
Ross -- Miller is one funny guy.
Alex -- Dude, I had to give you the Jobriath back. Gursh, it is SO not for me. "Omnipotent on bein' naked!"
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