Don't Tell Me What's 'Intellectually Stimulating'

From a "dear bitch" letter in the Spring 2004 issue of Bitch magazine:

I know some intelligent people who gave parenting a real try and weren't turned on by it. But I can't help considering that a character flaw. People who are intellectually alive ought to be capable of being interested in children.

-John Schapiro
Philadelphia, PA

First, I can't help but notice that the author of these accusatory statements is a man. Assuming, of course, that the loaded prenom 'John' usually represents a male perspective...

Second, now not only are women who choose not to breed (1) upsetting the "natural" gender order, (2) demonstrating our ultimate self-involvement, and (3) letting the rest of society down by not contributing to the furthering of the human race, but we are also...(4) quite stupid.

Clearly, if women who claim to be intelligent cannot connect to children, they are just not using their intelligence properly. Or they are simply not as smart as they claim to be. Yes, clearly. Say what?

Due to the variety of human nature, individual people are stimulated aesthetically, intellectually, and, I might add, physically and emotionally, by extremely different works of art, pieces of music, writings, films, people, places, scents, sexual acts, foods, etc., etc. Why should children be the universal intellectual stimulant?

John's argument seems to be, conveniently, yet another way of making women who decide not to pursue childrearing feel guilty, de-gendered, and now stupid as well. Enough already.

I do not find children intellectually stimulating. I just don't. And I don't feel guilty about it. I don't want to be criticized for preferring: to watch a film noir, to read a feminist detective novel, to analyze anti-poverty policy, to bake goodies, to walk or rollerblade or skateboard around my neighborhood, to chat with adult friends, or to sit in my own quiet apartment by myself...to raising a child. I am not saying that there aren't women and men who find raising children intellectually challenging and rewarding. I just think it's dangerous to question the intellect of any person who does not "get turned on" by raising children.

So - if I have to choose between having a character flaw or having children...goddamit, please just call me stupid.